Ercassesanwi - January 11th, 2006
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07:32 pm
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Neri: Men
And now it's time for the update everyone's been waiting for -- Holly's love life!
I've known for quite a while that I have unique taste in men. From my ignorance of Brad Pitt to my Beast Complex, my relationship with the other sex is anything but conventional. For example, the other day I spontaneously said "I love you" to a man I'd never before met. What sexy characteristic elicited such a response? No kidding. His grammar. I was reading the acknowledgments section of a new book I had purchased, and the very first sentence begins: "I'd like gratefully to acknowledge Stephanie Hemphill, without whose help this book would never have gotten finished." Note the studiously avoided split infinitive! Note the smooth insertion of the relative pronoun into the middle of the sentence! Could there be anything more sexy?
"But that doesn't count," I hear (some of) my readers say. "You haven't met this man. He doesn't count as a real crush." I could argue that he is more real than the fictitious men on whom I routinely get crushes, and that he's more real and accessible than the celebrities for whom it is socially acceptable for young women to pine, but I see your point. Such "experience" with men is purely theoretical and needs some practical, firsthand experience to round it out.
Enter Jason, a man whom I met online. You won't believe the following list of characteristics. He's Scottish. He's intelligent and articulate. (Be still, my heart.) He's as well-read, if not better, than I. He has an academic interest in the Grimm brothers' fairy tales and has read some relevant literary criticism (though apparantly heavy in psychoanalyst and feminist critics). He likes mead; his mother brews special varieties. He likes MST3K. He has read Beowulf in Old English and prefers it thus.
The perfect man for Holly, right? Too good to be true, right? Alas, the latter is true. I haven't yet told you his profession. He owns a very successful chain of adult-toy stores focused particularly on women. He is also a nude male model. The typical woman might find these fascinating ways of making a living, but we have already established that I am not typical.
So what can one do but conclude that nothing is good enough for me? If a (probably) beautiful, brilliant, (probably) rich Scottish man who likes medieval literature and fairy tales doesn't cut it, I may very well be an old maid for life.
But maybe not. I've met a real, live guy, in the flesh, and have gone on two dates, with the promise of another tomorrow. If I don't let my ridiculous literary/theoretical preconceptions get in the way, I may even find that a real man beats a fictitious one.
Maybe.
Current Mood:  flirty
Tags: beast complex, fictitious men
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