Flirting continues
So today Kathy and I went to take another deposition for the cute, deep-voiced attorney. He seemed happy to see me. We exchanged looks whenever he wasn't questioning (and sometimes when he was). During breaks we talked a lot, though usually with others around. We guaged each other's minds, discussing Latin, Greek, and Biblical scholarship. (This exchange, to me, was the most intimate and meant the most in terms of "I like you." Nerd-flirting, if you will.) Even during the questioning of witnesses, he seemed to slip me information. He managed to get off topic, while on the record with one witness, to inform her and whoever else was listening that he graduated high school in '90, making him about six years older than I. Before we left, he asked when he'd be seeing me again. Sadly, I wasn't able to answer definitely. Kathy isn't scheduled to another deposition for him this week.

I'm not sure what the goal is in the flirting game, when one can say, "I won!" I assumed it would be his asking me for contact information. But he didn't. I was disappointed. Now, however, I realize that it might be partly my fault. As inexperienced a flirt as I am, and as introverted as I am, I didn't help him create an opportunity for us to talk privately. He did seem to hang back for me. He left the conference room before Kathy was packed up, but we still ran into him in the hall. He stood talking in one room until Kathy and I got there. Then he walked out while Kathy was still talking. I should probably have followed him then to wait for Kathy outside, but I was trying to be polite and hold the door for her. So I didn't give him the opportunity, I guess. And no, I never once considered taking the initiative myself. I am certainly not that brave.

I have discovered that I possess the two qualities most antipathetic to flirting: sincerity and self-awareness. A flirt must be able to be insincere and flippant, something I can almost never be. She must also be confident and in the moment. This I will probably never be. I am far too self-conscious. Instead of watching the other person and guaging him, I guage myself. This act both undermines my confidence and pulls me out of the here-and-now perspective a skilled flirt maintains.

So we'll call this a practice run. It was pretty fun.